N O ! ! !

I cannot believe that it is nearly 2 months since I posted to my blog - where has the time gone?

So much has happened in this time....mostly very exciting and great fun....

The journey remains awesomely delicious....

Will catch up with more meaty news soon...just got so tired of looking at the poor monkeys

...smile...

did you know nicotine experiments on animals are still occuring?

Please take a moment to submit your objection to this atrocious practice

http://ga0.org/campaign/NIH_Nicotine

i cannot pull my self away........

Well, here I am hours away from having to leave the farm. It's been sheer joy for me to take some time out for myself....self indulgence, solitary freedom...by choice. What more could a girl ask??!! Yesterday I had a chat with my darling friend Carina and we commented on how most people are unable to be totally alone, even for a short time. Is it fear of having to face yourself? To acknowledge the things within you that hurt, that are inconceivable, that you cannot live with? Is it fear of your dark side, the night, being alone, attack (which is a very real thing here in South Africa where violent crimes are a day to day reality). I love being alone... I enjoy my own company! I have no fear whatsoever. For me there are 2 emotions that drive us...love and fear. More love = less fear. This has a parallel in the Native American tale which I am sure most of you have heard...the 2 wolves that battle within each of us...good and bad (love and fear)...which one wins?? The one you feed.

This has been a time of great healing, peace, joy, inner reflection, planning and purpose....THANK YOU CARINA... I'll be back!

Here are some pics of this beautiful place.

how weird is this.....

Another report from my time on the farm here in Heidelberg. On my 1st day I went for a walk down the dusty, red farm road leading up to the dwellings. I noticed the ruins of what I thought was a house but didn't investigate further. The following day on my walk I decided to go and check it out. I realised as I got closer that it was a graveyard...it was customary in the old days for farmers to bury their loved ones on the farm rather than schlep the body to the local cemetery (mostly because of distance, we have big farms here in South Africa). As I approached the 4 graves, my heart jumped in my chest – the name on 2 of the tombstones was “van den Heever” – my maiden name. I gasped!! It’s not a very common name such as Botha or van der Merwe or Smith and I understand that all van den Heevers are related, and that not too far. I checked the names and dates of death – 1932. That was WOW for me. Knowing that I was on the very farm where distant relatives lived and died was almost an epiphanic moment (alomost only because I am not sure of the family connection!).

In the time since then, I have like a deep sense of belonging, it’s as if I am home, but I am not even sure how closely related we were. It has just been very special for me to experience all the soul and spirit stuff that I have over the last few days on ground that for us van den Heevers (or me at least!!) feels hallowed.

my sacred djembe.....

Isn't she beautiful?? OK OK.....I know some of you will argue that ALL djembe's are sacred....but this one has very deep, special significance for me...I made it myself, from scratch, angle grinded it into the correct shape, decorated it with porcupine quills and gemstones and then painted it...the awesomeness is that just a few days after I started the project I had a vivid dream of what to paint on it...I have been holding onto that vision for a while but thanks to total peace and quiet I have been able to finish the artwork whilst here on the farm...its been about 7 weeks since I started so I have a real sense of accomplishment. Now Piet must show me how to do the roping and skinning and I'm done. It's bit lop-sided, but hey, so am I!!

I say a BIG "Thank you" to my kannoni Piet Aarde for guiding me in this work...and thanks to his beautiful wife Mama Cha Cha (just because)....you are my flames mates for sure.

i touched nature.....

Into the 4th day of my soul retreat and I am having an absolute blast!! I haven't done one of these for about 4 years and just realise again how important it is. I cannot wait for our farm so that we can offer the same kind of deep healing to others...it's vital.

The wind has been howling for 2 days....last night was full moon....so there's a combination of 2 of my most favourite energies in nature. I grabbed a duvet and pillow and headed outside. What a totally awesome blessing it is to be able to lie under the stars, feel the chill wind on your face whilst wrapped up snug and warm....I looked out over the dam to a veld fire on the neighbouring farm..that was a sight, especially watching as the wind picked up...but I could hear voices so knew it was a controlled burn. The clouds were stunning, racing across the moon, which bathed me in her gentle light..... the haunting call of a few jackals out on the prowl just rounded off a perfect encounter with Earth.

I am blessed beyond measure.....

andrea bocelli...john williams....bob seger...

music for my soul